Life as I’ve Known it

Hello, kiddos. Can you believe it’s been 3.5 weeks since I last wrote something?! I can. I did the math yesterday, and I was only in Colorado for 9 days from July 8th to September 6th. Needless to say, I’ve been a little short on things to write about. Kind of. I have had things to write about, but while traveling for work, motivation to write isn’t that great either.

So what have I been up to then, eh?


When I left at the beginning of July, I headed to Orlando, FL for 4.5 weeks for my engineering job. They are minus on mountains and cool weather. I can’t say my time there was enjoyable, at all, and nearly died in a fiery, head-on collision because FL drivers are the WORST.

The one good thing that came from my trip was that I got to climb with Justin Fricke and go out for some beers one of the nights. We may, or may not, have participated in hip-hop yoga. Or, #Broga as I like to call it.

Home Sweet Home

During my 9 days back, I managed to take a trip to the Western Slope of Colorado to buy Palisade Peaches, drink a lot of wine, eat the best pulled pork I’ve ever had in my life, and buy a van. And then I was gone. Again.

PDX with the Best

I took a 5-day vacation during the I am #OmniTen film premiere to explore Portland, OR (the OR is important; you’ll see later). I had never been to the west coast (in the U.S.) and the rest of the Jordan OmniTen crew was there. OF COURSE I’m going to make a trip out of it!

After the film premiere on Wednesday, Daniel organized an unorganized hike with a bunch of disorderly people. We sloshed through ankle deep mud for about 6’ish miles and never once saw the ocean. There were, however, no shortage of Lord of the Rings quotes and references.

Portland Coast hike

He made up for it by taking us to a local food joint for oyster shots, beers, and some amazing views.

Oyster Shots

Canon Beach

Canon Beach Sunset

Canon beach sunset

The next day, we checked out Mt. Hood. We didn’t get rad with it or anything, but it was fun taking the rental car on some less than spectacular dirt roads. Actually, for dirt roads, they were spectacular compared to Colorado standards. Anyways, that mountain is big. Like, really big. Not so big compared to the plethora of 14’ers in Colorado, but BIG in the sense that it’s the only mountain around it, and when you go from 1,000’ to 12,000’, that’s pretty spectacular.

After that, I finally got to drive down a portion of the Pacific Coast Highway and headed to Eugene. I decided to catch a rogue wave and ruin my DSLR. Stoked on that one.

Pacific coast highway

We got back to Portland on Sunday, had brunch with the remaining OmniTen, Daniel, Tori, and Pedro, and flew back to Colorado. We landed around 9:30 pm and then…

Portland to Portland

… I was up at 5:30 Monday morning to catch my flight to Portland, Maine for another work trip.

Just as Portland, OR was my first trip to the west coast, my trip to Portland, ME was my first trip to the east coast.

My coworker picked me up from the airport, and we promptly made our way to the Old Port neighborhood for fresh lobster and beers before heading to the job site in the White Mountains of North Conway, New Hampshire.

Maine Lobster

While traveling for work, I usually only get one day per week off. Luckily, through the power of Grayskull, Rob and Jillian only live 2 hours away. They brought their ravishingly good looking husky, Yuri, up for a hike, and we chased a waterfall. They then gave me diabetes by going to Zeb’s Candy Shop.

Read a much more thorough log of events from Jillian’s website: From Strangers to Friends

New Hampshire Waterfall

The following weekend was Labor Day weekend so I actually got two days off. Hooray.

The Goofs from NH were seemingly confused and invited me to stay with them at their house. I dropped my coworker off at the airport, got drunk off one beer (I’m not sure how that happened), bought $55 worth of fresh seafood, and drove the two hours down to see them (after sobering up, of course).

As soon as I got there, I lost my virginity at Red Arrow Diner in Manchester. Then we went out for drinks and people watching. The next day we went out on their boat and found the best lobster roll of the trip at a little beach side food shack. I also had the fried oysters. I do not recommend. We met up with some of their friends at an island that were more than willing to feed me pineapple infused vodka and the vodka infused pineapple chunks.

Red Arrow Manchester

The following day was the day I could finally say that I climbed something on the east coast. We went to Pawtuckaway State Park and climbed precisely one pitch. It was hot, humid, and moist so the climbing wasn’t great. But the company was.

Pawtuckaway Climbing

After I left them, I made my way back to Portland to pick up my coworker. I stopped in Portsmouth for the biggest and bestest plate of mussels I’ve ever had and made the mistake of getting the fried shrimps. They were not worth the calories or the monies. 45 minutes later, I was in Cape Elizabeth eating a crab roll as the Atlantic waves were crashing into the shore.

Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Lobster Shack Cape Elizabeth

Home Again Home Again

And then I was all like, “work, work, work. Boom. Done. Home to Colorado.”

I’ve been home for 4 days now, and there’s still no shortage of things to do that keeps my anxiety levels above average.

My garden is still outta control so I made some refrigerator pickles.

Refrigerator Pickles

My van has a pretty huge transmission leak, 3 engine codes, and another smaller leak coming out of something else. Really excited to start working on it and documenting that (hopefully tonight).

Annnnnnd I still have office work and freelance projects going on. Not to mention another surprise, soon’ish.

Have no fear, #VanLife is near!

1,000 Twitter Followers Giveaway

Update!!! New Prize added. See bottom of post.

Well, I can’t say that I got there fast, but I finally made it! Almost. Actually, right at this instant, I only have 999. Which means I lost two from yesterday. Their loss.

To follow me, click the button on the right ——->

or click here

To Enter:

You don’t just get picked randomly. It would be pretty hard to pick fairly while scrolling through 1,000 names with my eyes closed. And this way ensures the prizes go to the followers that actually interact with me. Those are the best!

  1. Be following me on Twitter by December 24th. (Yup, Christmas Eve)
  2. Comment on THIS post with your real name and Twitter name. Telling me what prize you want on Twitter, emailing me, commenting on Facebook….none of that will be valid. You MUST comment here to make my life easier.
  3. When you comment, let me know what prize you’d prefer. Not everyone drinks booze and not everyone climbs (silly people). If you have no preference, just say “anything”. But I highly suggest a preference.
  4. That’s it!

Prizes, Items, and Swag

In no particular order:

  1. An autographed poster of Courtney (Sanders) Woods bouldering a V9 down in Hueco Tanks
  2. A poster of Sasha DiGiulian crushing “Pure Imagination”, 5.14d
  3. A poster of Chelsea Rude doing some crazy 5.12c in Foster Falls
  4. Two packages of Starbucks Via (16 individual servings total) for those cold mornings
  5. GSI Flask for your backcountry booze of choice. For those cold mornings?
  6. Camp Nano rack pack carabiners
  7. Climb X nut set
  8. Leftover/Random stickers (each winner will get some stickers, any leftover will go to someone/people else)
  9. 101 Things to do with Bacon cookbook

How I’ll Choose

After everyone comments below, I’ll literally put everyone’s name in a vessel at some point on Christmas Eve (December 24) and pull at random. If that person has a preference, HOORAY!! That’s what you get. If you just said “anything”, well, you’ll be put off to the side and you’ll still get a prize, but you’ll get whatever’s leftover. (That’s why I encourage a preference, or a prioritized list. 😉 )

Once they’re all gone; they’re gone, and I will contact the winners for their address.

Sound good? Good. Now make sure you’re following me!

Twitter Giveaway

Newly added:

Photo Dec 18, 4 45 21 PM

Is it Wintertime yet??

Welllll hellllloooooooo there, errybody! I’m finally back from Florida, feeling centered, and ready to do some really sweet ish!

There’s no denying that Fall is the Best Season of the Year, but I’m on Stoke Level 10 for this winter already:

  • Several weeks ago, long-time Twitter friend Jillian let me know that she and her husband will be visiting CO for a bunch of snowboarding and invited me along at the very end of January.
  • Last night I formally accepted an invitation to become a member of Columbia’s Winter #OmniTen family! That includes a very mysterious, very likely very epic, week-long trip…also in January.
  • Prior to that, on a whim, I decided to bite the bullet and buy plane tickets for the Winter OR Show in Salt Lake City, UT. That’s another week in January.
  • And as I realized that my entire month of January is mostly more awesome than any one person can stand, it dawned on me that I’m spending a week back in WI over Christmas.

Just take a look at this calendar (that took me way to long to make)!!

Winter Adventure Calendar

I have a feeling I’ll be working some weekends.

So, I’m very sorry, fall. I really do love you. Truly, I do. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will be out romping around in your cool temperatures and admiring the yellow Aspens for the first time in my life, but I am looking past you, and I am stoked to be crashing down the mountain and putting my new Columbia gear to the test! I wonder if they make helmets…

OmniTen Welcome Package

Evolv Chalk Bag Sweaty Palms Contest

This contest has been at risk since inception, but against my better judgment, I’ve decided to run with it anyways. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the life of online, it’s that people want things for free. Not just free in the sense of money, but also time and effort. So against statistics and better judgment of doing a “free give-away”, I’m going to make you work for it.

Evolv, my amazing Grassroots climbing sponsor, is allowing me to give away one of their fabulous lime green Roundtangular Chalk Bags. Don’t act like you don’t want it. I want it. I could have it. But I decided to give it to one of you. How unselfish of me, right? I thought so too.

The Rules

  1. ‘Like’ my Facebook Fan Page: Low Gravity Ascents on Facebook
  2. Write a story (to be explained in a second) on my wall, as a message, or in an email.
  3. Get voted as “the best”
  4. Collect your Roundtangular Chalk Bag!

I will gather stories over the course of one week. Once I’ve received all the submissions, I will release them, 1 per day, on my website as well as post the link on my Facebook Fan Page. The story with the most ‘likes’ at the end of the voting periodwill win the chalk bag. It’s in your best interest to promote your story and get all of your friends to ‘like’ it too!

I will collect stories starting tomorrow, April 12th and collect them through April 19th.

The Story

Since this is the “sweaty palms” contest, the story should be about the scariest situation you’ve been in while on the rock. This could be alpine climbing, mountaineering, sport climbing, high ball bouldering, free solo’ing, anything. The more you make our palms sweat, the more YOU need this chalk bag to keep your hands dry, should you find yourself in a similar situation again.

The Fine Print

By submitting a story, you are giving me permission to use it on my website as I see fit, and I will always give credit to the source. You can include links, pictures, shout-outs, and anything else to enhance your story. I’ll gladly post them as long as they’re appropriate.

Your story must be written originally for this contest. You cannot just email me a link to something you’ve already posted elsewhere. If you want to re-use that story, that’s fine, but copy/paste the actual text and send it to me.

Neither Evolv nor I can be held responsible if you use this chalk bag to purposely put yourself in a position of danger simply to see if the chalk contained within will, in fact, dry your hands. That’s just silly.

Sorry, lower 48 states only.

Ready, GO!!


Women’s self-defense in Plymouth, MN

Hey! What are you doing on Sunday, April 10? As in, this Sunday?
Are you a female? Do you want to learn self-defense? Better yet, do you want to learn immediately effective and field-proven self-defense techniques from a trained ground combatives instructor?
My good friend and colleague, Adam Glass, was a ground combatives instructor in the Air Force for 2.5 years and used these techniques training thousands of troops as well as real-life situations while deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. I will let him tell you how effective they are in subduing an enemy since some of the stories are quite graphic, and he may not want the world knowing the horrors of war.
He’s offering this class at The Movement Minneapolis in Plymouth, MN for only $30. The class is 3 hours long and spots are limited so please contact me as soon as you possibly can!
(I really need to get one of those google phone numbers that forwards calls to my personal cell phone. Anyone know anything about that? Kthanxbai)

F.ree Weightloss Coaching in Minneapolis/St. Paul

** Deadline extended! Apply by Thursday, March 31st.

Boy, do I have a deal for (some) of you!
I put this out on my Twitter and Facebook accounts for all of my lovely followers and friends to jump on first, but their unwillingness to take action is your benefit.
I am attempting to put together a (probably) f.ree product for everyone in this entire world to use. In doing so, I need to collect data and generate content.
This is where you come in…
Continue reading

100th Post: A Hodge Podge of Evryfing!

Ho-kay! Super duper, team! Way to go! Can you believe it’s been 100 posts already?! Actually, I’m sure the big time bloggers average close to 100 posts every 2 months. Me? Close to 2 years. Muahahahaha!

In true fashion of this website, I’m going to touch on something from each of the categories I post about. Let’s sit back, put your hand down your pants (if you’d like), and bask in my self-perceived gloriousness. Continue reading

New Blogging Format

So, in an attempt to continue resolving my psychological state issues, I’m going to try a new [to me] blogging format. For the most part, I’m just going to try blogging more frequently. This method is not novel in any way. It’s how a lot of people do it. They’ll mix in some shorter, “fun” posts along with the good, juicy content. I’ve focused, for the most part, on the good, juicy stuff, and just mixed my humor in along the way. Well, I’m going to follow the crowd and test it out.

I’ve stated several times that I can only write while in eustress, but that I’m rarely in eustress long enough to finish some of my longer posts. Ding, ding, ding, ding!!!

“How ’bout you try this, asshole: write shorter posts that you can finish while you’re still in eustress.” – Whoa! Alright!

It’s hard to describe what I have in mind, but the shorter posts will be less educational and more informational in nature. Does that even make sense? I don’t know. Basically, I’m going to use it as a Twitter account that allows more than 140 characters at a time. If I read something and it deserves a reaction, I’ll post about it. If a worthy thought pops in my head, I’ll write a few paragraphs and publish it. For the most part, they’re going to be my ‘on the spot, first reaction’ to whatever I’m thinking. They won’t have a lot of background information or research done beforehand, other than what I already know of the subject. I’ve already had several things I’ve wanted to write about in this way, but my employer felt that I needed to do some work instead. Hmph.

And you don’t have to worry, if you’re subscribed to my website, which you should be, I won’t blast you with an email every time I post something new. Because honestly, I may post once a day, twice a day, or just as infrequently as now. I really don’t know. So with that in mind, I’m thinking I’ll send one email a week with links to all of the articles published that week.

I still plan on having longer, educational posts that you have all grown to love as well, right? RIGHT?!?!

The way I see it, it’s a win-win. I write more when I’m happy. I’m happy because I write. You get more lol’s and informations. A puppy is born. And world hunger is solved.

“By working within your existing limits, you can expand them faster.”

Now, where have I heard that before??????

Tactical Strength Challenge Results and a Prize for You!

[Editor’s note: This got longer than I had thought. If you’re only interested in the prize, you’ll have to get to the bottom of the post.]

Last Friday I was supposed to get another BodPod reading to confirm my ever evolving sexiness, but instead I was wrongfully duped by Adam Glass into competing in the Tactical Strength Challenge (“TSC” for short). And by duped, I mean he didn’t even ask or suggest that I do it; I just volunteerd to do so once he said the trip to the BodPod was cancelled. Continue reading