Evolv Chalk Bag Sweaty Palms Contest

This contest has been at risk since inception, but against my better judgment, I’ve decided to run with it anyways. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the life of online, it’s that people want things for free. Not just free in the sense of money, but also time and effort. So against statistics and better judgment of doing a “free give-away”, I’m going to make you work for it.

Evolv, my amazing Grassroots climbing sponsor, is allowing me to give away one of their fabulous lime green Roundtangular Chalk Bags. Don’t act like you don’t want it. I want it. I could have it. But I decided to give it to one of you. How unselfish of me, right? I thought so too.

The Rules

  1. ‘Like’ my Facebook Fan Page: Low Gravity Ascents on Facebook
  2. Write a story (to be explained in a second) on my wall, as a message, or in an email.
  3. Get voted as “the best”
  4. Collect your Roundtangular Chalk Bag!

I will gather stories over the course of one week. Once I’ve received all the submissions, I will release them, 1 per day, on my website as well as post the link on my Facebook Fan Page. The story with the most ‘likes’ at the end of the voting periodwill win the chalk bag. It’s in your best interest to promote your story and get all of your friends to ‘like’ it too!

I will collect stories starting tomorrow, April 12th and collect them through April 19th.

The Story

Since this is the “sweaty palms” contest, the story should be about the scariest situation you’ve been in while on the rock. This could be alpine climbing, mountaineering, sport climbing, high ball bouldering, free solo’ing, anything. The more you make our palms sweat, the more YOU need this chalk bag to keep your hands dry, should you find yourself in a similar situation again.

The Fine Print

By submitting a story, you are giving me permission to use it on my website as I see fit, and I will always give credit to the source. You can include links, pictures, shout-outs, and anything else to enhance your story. I’ll gladly post them as long as they’re appropriate.

Your story must be written originally for this contest. You cannot just email me a link to something you’ve already posted elsewhere. If you want to re-use that story, that’s fine, but copy/paste the actual text and send it to me.

Neither Evolv nor I can be held responsible if you use this chalk bag to purposely put yourself in a position of danger simply to see if the chalk contained within will, in fact, dry your hands. That’s just silly.

Sorry, lower 48 states only.

Ready, GO!!


Should You Hire a Personal Trainer?

One of the perils of being a self-proclaimed “pretty ‘ok'” trainer is that you have to read non-trainers give [typically horrible] advice to people on social media. I know, it’s my own fault for reading it, right? I’ve never claimed that I don’t have some self-destructive habits.

Today I’m going to help you decide (convince) if you should hire a personal trainer. And if you do (probably do), help you pick a good one. At the very least, I’ll describe the traits a good trainer may posses.

Continue reading

Brain Injuries and Lawsuits against the NFL

I’m at a loss. Can someone please explain this to me? I’m not following these things as close as I probably could, but I am absolutely baffled by the lawsuits that players are bringing towards the NFL. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love football. (Don’t confuse love with fanatic, pls.) It was my undying passion for 10+ years. I understand some of the “crazy” things players do, but for the life of me, this I do not get.

From what I understand, the players are suing the NFL because they say that the NFL isn’t doing enough to prevent concussions and are withholding data on long term brain injury. I can see that being a valid argument. If the NFL admits that playing this game causes long term mental damage, OSHA and/or the Player’s Union and/or some other’s worker’s rights group would be all over them.

However, this is the part I don’t get. These same players are the ones that are out there every Sunday playing through pain, getting injections, complaining that the game is “getting too soft”, and lying to the medical staff just so they can stay on the field and continue the risks of getting concussions.

How does this work? Am I missing a key piece to this puzzle, or do players want their cake so they can blame the baker when ordered the wrong one?


Two of the Greatest Songs EvAr!!1!1

Are these 2 songs great….or the great-est of all time?


And if you can handle going down this rabbit hole of outstanding magicalness, here’s a link to my Rick Astley Pandora station.

Rick Astley on Pandora










I swear to God, if I get any negative comments on this post, I’m calling Phil Collins to give you a beat down. Enjoy!

Climbing Motivation: Magnus Midtboe

Holy crap!! I know a lot of you don’t follow climbing…..wait, let me rephrase that…..I know you don’t know anything about climbing, other than it looks really scary, but you have GOT to check out this video (sent to me by long time e-friend, noogles)!


This video is a perfect example of why I think bodyweight training is whack. There is a time and place for everything, but for the people that do nothing but strictly bodyweight workouts, you will never be able to do that kind of stuff. Also, for any climber reading this, notice that he’s doing contra-specific movements as well? By that, I mean, shoulder presses and horizontal presses (1-armed push ups). That is absolutely crucial to keeping your shoulders happy and healthy. You can’t just climb and focus on your back day in and day out. In fact, I’ll boldly say that you would make more progress if you took a day off from the climbing gym once a week and focused on traditional, full body workouts. Of course, there’s a bit of an assumption that you would be doing those workouts properly.

And just in case you’re wondering, the guy can actually climb too. Chris Sharma (a good climber guy that you’ve never heard of) may be the most famous, and in all fairness, the best, rock climber in the world right now, but he’s not the only one that can climb 9.a+/5.15’s. Ca-razy!! I might have a new role model.

Sometimes I Really Want to be Fat

No. Really. I do.

I love the act of eating. I love food of all kinds. This includes junk food. All different types of junk food. I like sweets. I like salty stuff. I like chocolate. I like grease. I like gravy. I like it all.

I wish I could bring in a box of donuts every day. I wish I could go home after work and eat a bag of chips with a frozen pizza on the side. For dessert, I’d eat a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and cheesecake on a stick.

And you know what? I do just that from time to time. And you know what? I’m still lean. You know why? Moderation.

No, eating a whole bag of chips is not moderate. Neither is a baker’s dozen donuts. But those things are just one discrete instance in time. The overall trend of my diet (in terms of calories), over time, is always level or pointing downward. Therefore, I binge in moderation. I also “starve” myself in moderation. In the end, I get to be as fat as I can possibly stand….a couple times a month.

No one likes being average, but the more I learn about nutrition, the more I learn little intricacies and “optimal”, the more I realize that if you take a gigantic step back from all of it, it all just boils down to this:

Everything in moderation….including moderation. (No, I did not come up with that quote, but I don’t remember who did.)

Now, please excuse me; I need to go find my bag of chocolate chips.

** UPDATE!! Tonight (9/15/2011) I had 5 chocolate chip cookies and some venison steak for supper. And beer.

Football Friday: Favorite Receiver

I’m going to try my hardest to keep this series going throughout the football season. I hope you enjoy it.

Question of the day: Who’s your favorite NFL receiver on your favorite NFL team of all time?

I needed to add the specificity of your favorite NFL team because while there are some beastly receivers out there like “The Johnson’s” (Calvin and Andre), I’m just not that intimately familiar with them on a week-to-week basis. Now, Packers’ receivers? Hohohohoho, yeah!

Continue reading