I’m not gonna lie. I am, for some reason, very excited about writing this. Pretty sure there are several reasons:

1) I’m sick of writing about nutrition…for now.
2) Ranting is always fun, but I’m ready to give you guys something “useful”.
3) It’s one of my favorite parts of the female anatomy.

More and more, I am seeing a shift in “what women want”. (I put that in quotes, because knowing that is like knowing the meaning of life; it’ll NEVER happen). Or maybe it’s not a shift. Maybe women are finally being more vocal about what they look for in a mate. I no longer hear much about rippling abs, monsterous pecs (that’s p-e-c-s; not d-i-c-, well, you get the point), and gargantuan guns. Seems to me that more women are interested in bowling ball shoulders, thick backs, and an ass that can crack walnuts nowadays. Or, maybe I’m just noticing this because I have been getting compliments on my very own. Yup, that’s right, MY ASS. Instantaneously, you read that and then pictured MY ass in YOUR brain. How does that make you feel?

So, I put together a workout to get you the ass the opposite sex has always wanted you to have. Guys, white guys in particular (we’re known for the less than favorable “pancake ass”), this will get you to fill out the backside of your jeans. Ladies, this will tighten everything up, reduce your cellulite (assuming you’re not 18 and on some kind of athletic team), and make you even more irresistable to us walking hormones. As if you wanted/needed that, right?

You will do these workouts 2 days per week with at least 2 days off in-between. Try to keep the rest periods as short as possible, but make sure you fully recover between sets, especially the deadlifts and squats. A lot of my readers are novice lifters. That’s cool. I used very common names for the lifts. YouTube and Google are your friends. If all else fails, ask me. If you’re working hard enough, I predict abnormal walking patterns for at least the 1st two weeks. Enjoy!

* For added challenge and faster results, replace your plain ‘ol boring cardio routine with hill sprints. Hill sprint = Run up hill really fast. Walk down hill. Repeat.