WARNING: More half nakedness at the end of this article…

Are you sitting down for this? Ok, now stand up; no, sit. No, wait, stand-up. Ok, down. Congrats, you just did 2 squats with better form than you probably ever have before. Ha ha, Sucka!

Vacation season is now over and our very own northern naked season, a.k.a. summer, is still 2 months away. I’ve had success in the past gaining weight on my own, but have always struggled to gain muscle mass…if you couldn’t tell in recent pictures. Pair those two up, and what do you get??

– Oooo, Ooooo, Oooo, I know. Pick me, pick me!
– You’re going to sit on your ass for two months and see how fat you can get.
False….but close.

I have decided that I want to try gain 15 lbs. of mass in 2 months. Why 15 lbs.? Well, according to some of the top coaches in the industry, you can healthily gain 1 to 2 pounds per week with the correct diet and lifting routine. Now, before my bodybuilder/fitness model type friends can interrupt, yes, I realize that not all of that will be 100% lean muscle. There will probably be some fat and extra water weight in there too. The other reason for 15 lbs. is that if I do succeed, I will be at an astounding 190 lbs. I have only been that heavy once before in my life and quickly lost most of it thanks to Glenview Commons and two-a-days. So anyways, once I get there, I will have (hopefully) gained a considerable amount of muscle mass. After that will be Part Deux (two) of this experiment where I will cut the fat and hopefully be a pretty impressive 180+ lbs.

By now you may be wondering several things: Who the hell is Jeremy Witt; what are you “experiencing” with him; and how in the hell do you plan on gaining 15 lbs. in 8 weeks?

I would like to answer the first two first – duh:

Probably half of you know that Jeremy and I have been really close friends since 6th grade. He is currently training at Best Buy corporate in Richfield, MN, and shares the same hopes and dreams as I do (as long as we’re talking about Unicorn Planet that is…YouTube it, you won’t be disapointed). We think very similarly and would much rather train people (and ourselves) for athletic performance versus vanity weight (gain or loss). That being said, I still asked him to put together a lifting program designed to pack on the mass. He graciously accepted and put together a workout from hell for me. In all honesty, it probably won’t be that bad 2 weeks into it, but right now, just starting out….I am almost in tears every time I foam roll, try to walk down stairs, or raise my arm to grab the oatmeal out of the cupboard. Now, where does the “experience” come in. The program is the experience you homophobic perv! Although we did have a little homoerotic moment at his place while getting ready for this. It was a bit unsettling. You would think two people that have been friends for so long, one in the health field and one aspiring to be in the health field would be able to go about measurements and pictures professionally. Not so. I will leave it at that.

Now, about this program…It is a variation of the wildly popular German Volume Training program popularized by Charles Poliquin. Basically, it boils down to taking your existing workout and cutting out most of the supplemental lifts so that you’re down to four, really important, multi-joint lifts. Now you will take your most important lift and do 10 sets of 10 reps and only rest 60 sec. between sets. Thankfully, When you’re done with those, you still have two or 3 more exercises to go! I won’t go into detail about why this is an effective program. Instead, I will let you read this wonderful article published on T-Nation…ironically shortly after Jeremy already had my program in mind.

T-Nation: GVT Revisited

What about your diet? Ahhh, yes. My diet. My diet is not for the faint of heart…but mostly those with weak stomachs. I will be consuming 3,000 to 3,500 calories/day for the next 8 weeks. Not only is it really not that much fun, but it is also expensive. I always cook all of my food for the whole week on Sun. afternoon. I eat the same meals every day. My first week looked like this:

Breakfast: 4 eggs, 200 g of Broccolli and Cauliflower, 1 cup of oatmeal, 8 oz. of OJ with creatine, and my EFA oils.
Mid morning: Turkey sandwich wrap with lettuce and a sweet potato.
Lunch: 2.5 chicken breasts and a cup of (cooked) couscous.
Mid afternoon: 1 cup of organic, non-fat Greek yogurt, 1 cup of blueberries, and a PB&J.
Pre-workout: Purple Wraath by Controled labs and creatine in water.
Post-workout: Dates (the fruit), Whey Protein shake, and a BCAA (Branch Chained Amino Acid) complex.
Supper: Giganto slice of lasagna (made with 2 lbs. of venison burger, whole wheat pasta, and all the cheeses are non-fat), small side salad, and EFA oils.
Before bed: Lifting days I take ZMA; off days I drink a Casein Protein shake

So as you can see, anyone eating that much food should be able to gain weight. Couple that with my lifting routine and I hope that most of the weight I gain will be in the form of muscle.

Terribly sorry for the long read, but I am very excited about this. I think I can finally follow a volumizing routine that I believe in, and the diet portion is definitely there. And lastly, for record keeping sake, here are my measurements as of March 28, 2009:

Chest: 38.75″
Bicep (flexed): 14″
Thigh: 22.75″
Hips: 34.5″
Waist: 32″
Calf: 14.75″
Bodyfat: 12%

And for comedic relief and self-humiliation, I give you, “Before” pictures:

Don’t Miss Your Chance

I was stuck in Corporate America for 9 years. I was miserable.

Then I took control.

You can too, and it starts right here.