First of all, I want to apologize for not posting anything new for an entire month. There was a vacation, some technical difficulties, and even some laziness. It’s not like I’m getting paid to do this, ya know?

Ok, onto the article!

So, we all remember my grand idea of getting completely shredded in one week’s time by eating a mostly vegan diet and drinking protein shakes. Well, I’m just going to go ahead and chalk that up as an epic fail. Not only did I not get shredded, but I’m pretty sure I gained a little fat. How is this possible you ask? Let me tell you…

ScorpionMetabolism: Whenever there is food in your stomach, your body breaks it down and absorbs all the nutrients and then discards it. As soon as the food is gone, your metabolism, for the most part, shuts down. When your metabolism shuts down, your body starts freaking out. It’s saying, “Holy shit! Where’s the food? I need more food. When’s the next time I’m going to eat? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! What do I do?? I know. I’ll do nothing. I’m just going to shut down.” So basically your body goes into starvation mode. It thinks that you’re stranded out in the middle of the desert and that there’s not even any scorpions around to eat, Bear Grylls style (Ok, maybe this picture isn’t of Bear Grylls, but it’s pretty hilarious…right down to the painted on eyebrows). It begins to eat muscle instead of fat because it will need that fat later on (and it takes less energy to burn muscle than fat) to continue to “survive” eventhough your next meal may only be 2 hours away.

Now you’re asking, ok, why didn’t you just eat more or more often then? And my answer is…

67084_400Fiber: This shit is one of the most neglected nutrients your body needs. It is also the one with the most unpleasant side effects. Fiber, along with fats, is what makes you feel satiated (that’s “full” for my non-educated friends…I keed, I keed!). It also has a tendancy to make you bloated and not want to eat anymore. The best sources of fiber are nuts, veggies, legumes, and fruits and whole wheat carbs (which I only ate 1 serving of each in the morning). Since my entire diet consisted of vegetables, I was eating a huge amount of fiber. Not only was it unpleasant to be in my apartment at night, but it actually made me eat much fewer calories throughout the day. So, not only was I not eating often enough and sending my body into starvation mode, but I was also just plain not eating enough calories.

Now we’ve come to the conclusion: Would I recommend this to someone else and/or would I do it again? The answer: Yes. However, if you’re goal is to be a lean, mean shredded machine in just a week’s time, you will need to do it with another diet plan. And the diet plans I’ve seen that claim this enormous feat (ignoring the ones that include illegal substances) are very extreme, very detailed, and can cost up to $200. So to make this one work, I would just start it a little eariler in order to get your body used to all the excess fiber in your diet. Once your body adjusts to it’s new diet, you will no longer get the bloated, always full feelings and you will be able to eat more and more often. Then, due to the fact that it actually takes more energy to digest those vegetables than they can provide, you will begin to see weight come off. But again, the emphasis has to be on the frequency of these meals. It doesn’t take much to “get rid” of 200 grams of green vegetables, and now we know not to send yourself into starvation mode.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed my first article back. I know I did. It had bad language, I insulted my readers, and even referenced farting. All in all, I think it’s a success. Have a great day!

Don’t Miss Your Chance

I was stuck in Corporate America for 9 years. I was miserable.

Then I took control.

You can too, and it starts right here.