I was so touched that someone actually acknowledged that I lied about writing something last night that I am foregoing my domestic duties as a single guy tonight just to get this posted. Of course this means I will be reusing dirty dishes and turning my underwear inside out tomorrow. Lucky for you you don’t sit by me, huh?

So, this entry might seem a little corny to begin with. I’m sure you’re all very used to that by now though. Side note: when I say “you all”, how many of you do you think that is?? It’s probably not as high as you think. It’s weird, you’d think more people would want to read such literary masterpieces. I mean, I haven’t taken an English class since 2000; I haven’t taken a Creative Writing class since 3rd grade; and I talk about farting and turning my dirty underwear inside out. What’s NOT to like, right? I blame you people for not spreading the word about this amazing site. Obviously I’m doing my part. Sheesh!

Oh right, I was actually typing something…

So what this is about is finding something that motivates you to live your life by, specifically, quotes. I’ll admit, I came up with this while I was editing my quotes on Facebook…because I’m a nerd like that…but then I got to thinking (and it kind of hurt a little), “you know, I actually repeat these quotes to myself in alot of situations.”

These are by no means earth shattering, mind bending quotes from Aristotle, Einstein, or the like. In fact, I don’t even know where some of these came from. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is what they mean to you, and how you apply them to your everyday life. So without further ado, I give you my quotes that I live my life by….or try to.

1. Ignorance is bliss.

Ok, you may be wondering, “why in the hell would you want to go through life ignorant?” Yeah, this one needs some explaining.

What this quote does for me is it allows me to see things for face value, at least initially. OBV (that’s “obviously, again, for my older readers) some situations, no matter how much you would like to stay ignorant (perhaps about the event that brought you onto this planet), you just can’t. But for most things, it’s ok. For example, someone gives you an unexpected gift. This gift may or may not have some strings attached. I may or may not want to know what those strings are. Knowing me, I don’t want to know. I choose to stay ignorant…that is until I figure out what those strings mean. Then shit hits the fan. Ahhhhh, life. How I love you.

Ok, this is actually a pretty hard quote to tell you people how it works for me. I can’t really think of any specific examples right off the top of my head. I just know that I have said it to myself repeatedly on many occasions in many different situations. Just try it. It’s not like you’ll die….probably.

2. You can’t be a pussy your whole life.

This works for me in so many situations. I’m sure there’s probably a more eloquent way of saying the same thing, but well, I’m not eloquent. In fact, I have a hard time being politically correct most of the time. But I digress.

Any time I’m met with a challenge, this is the first thing that pops in my head. It can be used in your professional life, when someone dares you to do something wicked awesome like bridge jumping, or when you’re going for a new PR at the gym.

Think about it, whatever the challenge may be, someone has probably already done it. Let’s say you’re only 24 years old and your boss asks you to lead a major project at work that has visibility from people 2 rungs up the ladder from you, and you have no experience whatsoever in what he or she (see that? That’s PC, baby.) is asking you to do. You can either back down and say, “Well sir/madam, I appreciate the offer, but in the interest of the company, I think you should choose someone more qualified” OR you can think to yourself, “Fuggit! If I succeed, I’ve just shown them I can do anything they put in front of me. If I fail, well, I fail. It’s not like they’re going to fire me….probably. Someone else has probably done this before me so I’m just going to stop being a pussy and man up.”

I chose the corporate example to show you that it’s not just a bunch of machismo. I mean, obviously when I’m going to max out and try set a new PR, I tell myself that all the time right before I lift, “don’t be a pussy, don’t be a pussy, don’t be a pussy….,” but that’s too easy. You have to find where it applies to you in other aspects of life as well.

3. I put on my normal clothes everyday, and I’m badass all the time!

Again, to show just how dorky I am, I got that quote from an e-friend. An e-friend you say?? Yup. Some random person sitting on the other side of a computer monitor that I have never met in person, but have exchanged many unintelligent (but highly entertaining) comments back and forth.

Anyways, this quote is aimed at your personality, how you carry yourself, confidence. Look at the successful people around you. Whether they have a ton of friends or are on the fast track at work or are already making upper 6 figures at the age of 26 or all of the above, what are the chances that they sit at home in their parent’s basement playing WoW (that’s World of Warcraft for the successful people reading this)? Probably not very good.

These people are outgoing. These people are confident. These people have swagger, or as I like to say when I’m on the streets, “swagga” (I keeps it real). These people are “badasses”, or you may even say, they have a lot of badassery in them. Ha ha, ok, I’m stretchin it there. I just really like the word “baddassery”. I think you get my point.

“Badass” does not mean that you go around stepping on people “below” you and picking fights with the band geeks (I was a band geek and can still rock the double kickers pretty hard). In fact, that’s the opposite of badass. Badass people “pick fights” and take on challenges and the people above them. Why? Because you can never be the biggest badass on the block as long as there’s someone “above you”.

Now, a lot of people will probably be intimidated by you. Believe it or not (I hardly do), I’ve been told that my personality is intimidating. I don’t see how, but I usually get told that by people that don’t really know me that well. Remember how I just said a “badass” won’t pick on people below them? Well, there are people that don’t think that there’s anyone below them. Those people are not “badasses”, they’re assholes.

The people that think I’m an asshole don’t realize that I have friends of every walk of life, from every income bracket in the tax code, and never turn down an opportunity to help someone out if possible. Just because I, or anyone else, carry myself with confidence does not mean I’m an asshole. It means we live our life with a certain confidence. And in turn, that confidence will carry you on to some exciting opportunities. Call it Karma.

Moral of the quote: don’t feel sorry for yourself, get out of the house, be confident, and speak up. Nobody got ahead in life by moping around all the time and taking abuse from the assholes in this world. Stand up to them, stop being a pussy your whole life (see what I did there?), and be a badass.

And you people thought that I was a shallow asshole. For shame. I am an extremely deep individual…which is why my next article will be about having sex with as many random people as possible. Yeah, probably not. I don’t know too much about that…

Don’t Miss Your Chance

I was stuck in Corporate America for 9 years. I was miserable.

Then I took control.

You can too, and it starts right here.