Why do you train? Here’s a couple reasons I do:

1) It’s a great stress reliever. Exercise releases feel-good endorphines into the body. The only thing that beats that is a playful romp with the sexual partner of your choice (don’t worry, I don’t judge). Or, if you’re like me, your right-hand man. Wait, I mean, just my right-hand. There’s no man in the equation except for me…and my right hand. Oh forget it. When have I cared what you think of me?

2) I get to lift heavy shit. Sure, when I talk to my powerlifter buddies, I’m pretty comparatively weak. However, when I talk to normal people, they are genuinely impressed. Call it, feeding my overinflated ego if you’d like.

3) I wanna look good naked. In the off chance I accidentally trick some unsuspecting female into taking my clothes off for me, I wanna make sure I look my best. With any luck, she’ll tell all of her friends who will in turn also want to see me naked. We can all dream, right? FML.

4) As I’ve said multiple times before, my playing career is 99% over. I’ll save that 1% just in case somebody that knows somebody needs an extra safety for a single Football game some summer. But anyways, I still want to know that I can perform. I like having a big vertical. I like being able to out sprint damn near anyone. I like knowing that if I have to escape some crazy stalker, I’ll be able to weave in and out of traffic and jump over fences.

So, there you have them. There’s probably more, and I probably didn’t give you the most serious answers, but those are mostly accurate. (Did I really just compound a compound sentence?)

Now, YOU tell ME why you train in the comments.

Don’t Miss Your Chance

I was stuck in Corporate America for 9 years. I was miserable.

Then I took control.

You can too, and it starts right here.